Jacey Verdicchio - A Children's Author

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In light of the upcoming holidays and my recent posts on checklists and goals, I thought I’d take some time here to reflect on rest. We’ve all heard it: get 6-8 hours of sleep each night.  If you don’t, you’ll spontaneously explode.  Okay, maybe not.  The effects of too little sleep are much more subtle, but over time affect the quality of our work and lives.  There is also something to be said for going to bed and getting up at about the same time every day.  But how many of us really do it?  Even if we know it’s healthy, there is no social value placed on rest.  Our culture places more value on being busy and important than it does on taking care of ourselves.  Overcommitting and saying “yes” to everything compromise our ability to be our best in all those activities. Taking time off, particularly time away from your normal environment which will tempt you to be busy and productive, is not a luxury.  At least, it shouldn’t be.  How can we perform at our highest level when we never get a break longer than a weekend?  If we’re honest, we usually pack our weekends full of other types of work and social obligations so that they’re not exactly restful either. I’ve been battling with the idea that I don’t “deserve” to take time off for Thanksgiving.  I’m not as close to my goals as I wanted to be by this time of year.  As Mike has said, you don’t have to “deserve” rest and time with your family.  You need it to do all the rest.  I just had to put that paragraph in here, because maybe someone else struggles with the same thoughts. It is harder now than ever to turn things “off” and actually rest because of our addiction to constant connection with the world.  People are used to being able to reach us anytime.  What I’m going to attempt, and I invite you to join me, is to be present with the people I’m spending time with in person during the time off.  Even people we see everyday could benefit from our true attention without the distractions that define us the rest of the time. It is during times of rest that our minds can slow down enough to acknowledge all the good things in our lives.  We can return with renewed thankfulness that it takes time to cultivate.  If we’re going through a tough time, a break can help us calmly and rationally reflect and devise our next move for a better 2012.  Too often, challenges make us reactive and frantic.  If we take some time to rest and be peaceful, God can direct us and we can go back with renewed energy to take the next step. Darren Hardy has written two great blog posts relating to this topic.  I’ll post the links here.  The second one in particular was eye opening for me during a “I don’t deserve it” moment: What World Do You Really Live In? Your Competitive Advantage: Rest ... Read more »

When I was five, my mom worked on Saturdays so my sister and I spent the day with Dad. One Saturday, we went to Larkey Park to swim. It was a crowded summer day, and kids swarmed at the base of the diving board ladder. There were two diving boards - a standard one, and a high dive. I don't remember any of the words exchanged between my dad and I, but I do remember my emotions surrounding the event.... Read more »

I've picked up a few practical tips that apply to list making from Darren Hardy's book, The Compound Effect.... Read more »

I have always been a “list” person.  Often times my mood, positive expectation for the future and self worth have been wrapped up in my ability to check items off list.  Anyone else see the pitfalls with such a system?  Me too. Lists can be extremely effective.  My budget and pantry are happier when I make and stick to a grocery list.  It’s helpful to have a list of people when sending invitations or thank you notes.  The last thing I do before bed at night is write a thankful list.  These lists have all served me well. Lists can be deceiving in that you cannot judge your personal efficacy based solely on the number of things checked off a list.  For example, you can always make lists that are easy... Kiss Mike good morning Bake cookies Go shopping for new shoes Read a magazine Catch up on The Office ...and you can make lists that are hard... Understand God’s love Write 50 pages in my novel Call to apologize to someone Be a better listener The items on the first list have a lower value and are easier to accomplish.  Some of the items on the second list cannot simply be “checked off” but are an ongoing process.  The ones that can be checked off take considerably more emotional energy, time, and ultimately yield more value than everything on the first list. Items on a list should be attainable but should carry weight to avoid a sense of helplessness as well as a false sense of accomplishment. ... Read more »

It’s hard to write something authentic and heartfelt without sounding cliche.  I think it’s because some things are universal, and we’ve been trained ahead of time to think of them with the same words and expressions of those before us.  Carl Jung called it the collective unconscious, the natural way our minds organize the human experience. Marriage in some form is universal, so it’s hard to write about it without falling back on the cultural crutches.  It’s also deeply personal and no two are alike.  Three years is such a short time, but here are a few observations about marriage from the only perspective I have, which is mine: Laughing goes a long way. Never assume you know what your spouse is thinking; always ask. Seek God individually and together. Find out what’s most important to your spouse and seek to excel at those things. Verbally appreciate each others’ roles. Trade off choosing movies, or at least 2 to 1. Don’t let your mood change based on your spouse’s mood - if he is down, he needs you to lift him up, not join the pity party. There is no such thing as a “perfect” husband or wife, so don’t try to be that. Remember that you picked him, and he picked you. You’re on the same team, so work together and always give the credit to your spouse.  He is always the VIP. When your spouse tells you about a problem he’s having, wait for an invitation before offering your opinion or advice. Always be on the same page about money, no matter how many conversations it takes. Be willing to change your mind. Always err on the side of too much praise, not too much criticism. Give 100% no matter what your spouse brings to the table. Don’t go to bed mad.  It just results in a lot of sighing and tossing and turning. Some of those definitely sounded cliche, but truth never loses its power even if it’s repetitive.  I heard many of these things before getting married, but I have experienced them as true in three short years of marriage. ... Read more »

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In two recent conversations, the people I was talking to told me they weren’t “getting their hopes up” about specific situations.  In both cases, I had to ask, “Why not?” We use that common phrase to avoid disappointment.  If we only commit halfway, we play it safe because if we don’t experience whatever outcome we weren’t getting out hopes up for, we don’t really lose anything.  We can always say, “I didn’t really expect to get the job anyway,” or, “At least I tried and went for it.”  We don’t have to deal with the emotional let down of fully expecting a favorable outcome and being wrong. My question is, why not approach these situations with confidence and excited anticipation?  Is the disappointment really so unbearable that we have to outline every opportunity with pessimism? Often, I will be disappointed.  In those cases, I can honestly say, “I’m glad I tried and went for it” because not only did I go through the motions of trying, but I dedicated my mental and emotional energy to a positive outcome as well. The people who have the greatest triumphs also take the biggest risks.  I’m not talking about risky investments in the stock market, but the daily emotional risks that most of us spend our lives avoiding.  People whose character traits and accomplishments we admire are often those who risked being ridiculed and rejected, and often were.  Moses, Christopher Columbus, Abraham Lincoln, and Martin Luther King, Jr. are a few I have recently read about, and you can probably think of a handful more right off the top of your head. You don’t have to have the grand aspirations of Martin Luther King, Jr. to take important risks.  In my opinion, conquering fear and taking action, regardless of the outcome, is a huge step forward.  When we move beyond where we feel capable and safe, we afford ourselves a tremendous opportunity to trust God and ask Him to direct our steps.  Instead of letting fear tempt you to take halfhearted action and play it safe, get your hopes up! ... Read more »

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Growth is not the dramatic rise and fall of the ocean’s majestic waves, but the stones swept up by the waves.  Gradually, almost invisibly, they are polished into smooth, natural beauties.  A boy playing in the sand will pick up the smooth stone and present it to his father delightedly, utterly unaware of the hours, days, and years, the seasons of rhythmic, repetitive crashing waves that transformed a dull rock, once rough around the edges, into the treasure he haphazardly retrieves today. Change is inevitable; growth is not.  The ocean brings out the best of the rocks over time.  The cliffs on the edge of the sea erode over time.  Our waves are not so elusive as the ocean’s.  Our repetitive thoughts, crashing habitually, will grow us or corrode us. ... Read more »

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It’s noisy out there.  Does anyone else feel like they can’t hear themselves think sometimes?  And if we can’t hear ourselves think, who’s making our decisions? The thoughts we think from moment to moment have a greater impact on our lives than the situations we can’t control.  Two people can have roughly the same circumstances but have very different outcomes if they think and respond differently.  The only way to know if our thoughts are leading us in the direction we want to go is to pay attention to them. It’s easy to pay attention to what other people are saying at work, at school, in social settings, on TV, on the radio, in the community, and in writing on blogs, in the newspaper, and on Facebook.  These inputs can overshadow and drown out the one voice that has the most bearing on your life: yours.  They can also drown out the voice that has the biggest investment and best interest in your life: God’s. Try listening to your thoughts throughout the day, especially the ones that trigger emotions.  Feelings are worth noticing, because they give us more information about ourselves than just a simple passing thought. Pay attention to your responses to all the other voices you hear.  If you have a “knee jerk” reaction to something, maybe it’s something to analyze further.  If a thought doesn’t line up with the direction you want to take your life, instead of beating yourself up for it, determine where it’s coming from so you can address it. Maybe it’s just me, but from what I can tell, a lot of our thoughts involve judging ourselves for shortcomings, mistakes, missed opportunities or foolish blunders.  Becoming your own biggest critic sabotages you because your thoughts and focus inevitably determine your life.  Focus on the negatives, and you’re setting yourself up for more of the same. It gets especially confusing when we spend time judging ourselves by everyone else’s standards.  Listening to so many viewpoints and then living to avoid judgment from those entities is exhausting.  You don’t have to listen to all the outside inputs all the time.  Without them, maybe you can get a better idea of what you really think, and get some input from the still, small voice of God.  Whether we’re aware of our thoughts and internal dialogue or not, it is guiding our futures.  Listen so you can make sure you like where you’re headed! ... Read more »

I recently posted about an incredible book I was reading, Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand.  The book tells the true story of Louis Zamperini, an Olympic athlete turned American POW during World War II.  I gained an awe and respect for the suffering Zamperini endured, and the victorious postwar life he led, positively affecting the lives of many people.  Recently, I learned that the author who so meticulously recorded and illuminated Louie’s life story has endured a suffering of her own since 1987.... Read more »

Haven’t we all learned that we can’t change anyone else?  But how much energy do we drain trying?  Whether it’s a spouse, a friend, a boss, or even a stranger that cuts us off in traffic, many of us constantly point out how everyone around us should change.... Read more »