Love over fear, in relationships

love over fear in relationships
Image by @jensane

This is a 31 day series on love over fear in relationships. Links to all the posts below. Scroll down to read the first one!

Day 1: Love over fear in relationships (scroll down)

Day 2: Love over fear, defined

Day 3: Mean girls and the fear of rejection

Day 4: Weekend links

Day 5: Fear is insatiable; love is enough

Day 6: Control freak

Day 7: The perfectionist’s fear

Day 8: Overcoming the fear of disappointment

Day 9: Value judgments at the sandwich counter

Day 10: It’s not about you

Day 11: Weekend inspiration

Day 12: Fear holds back; love gives freely

Day 13: Work, identity and marriage

Day 14: A safe place

Day 15: 4 ways to turn awkward coffee dates into genuine friendships

Day 16: Love is patient and kind

Day 17: The fear of being misunderstood

Day 18: We work overtime to control what we fear

Day 19: Weekend links

Day 20: Love and sacrifice, six years into marriage

Day 21: The burdens we carry and ignore

Day 22: Fear is motivated by scarcity; love hasn’t bought into that lie

Day 23: The root of people pleasing

Day 24: Sounds like truth and feels like courage

Day 25: Weekend links

Day 26: We’re in this together

Day 27: Honor one another above yourselves

Day 28: Love stands up for truth and hope

Day 29: The most vulnerable thing I can tell you

Day 30: Love rejoices with the truth

When I started brainstorming about a topic meaningful enough to write about for 31 days, generosity came to mind. I’m passionate about it, the applications are wide, and there are plenty of quotes and scripture for pretty graphics on the days I don’t write.

I had a whole plan, an entire list of topics. Neat and tidy, with a bow.

I write from one of two places: either I take something that I have a little speck of wisdom in, or I take a current struggle that writing will help me process. Usually, it’s a little both: some wisdom, some struggle.

Generosity, though a great topic, doesn’t strike either of those. When I started to get honest about what I’m really struggling with, and therefore what I’m really learning, it felt too close to the nerve to share.

Here’s what I need you to know: I didn’t choose this topic by looking back on my immature self and mistakes I made in relationships ten years ago. I’m not reflecting on how far I’ve come here.

I’m compelled by this because I see fear at the heart of almost all conflict, pain, distance, misunderstandings and breakdowns I’ve experienced in relationships, as recent as this afternoon.

It feels like a huge risk to share on a topic that hits so close to home, closer even then battling a chronic illness, or our financial struggles.

I’m trusting that on the other side of the risk is a reward of freedom: freedom from fear, and a few more steps taken out of love, and not fear.

Writing words on the internet requires wisdom, and there are some things we shouldn’t share. We all fear exposure, to some degree. That fear of exposure is at the heart of this topic.

With this series I say, “I’ll go first.”

And I hope you’ll join me. Suggesting that we walk in love instead of fear is not my original idea. It’s not something I made up as a unique hashtag or a catchy title.

It’s the truth, and our relationships – our marriages, our friendships, our families – hinge on which we choose daily: love or fear.

This is the first post in a 31 day series for the month of October, all on the topic of love over fear in relationships.

35 thoughts on “Love over fear, in relationships

  1. Friend. I think this is going to be beautiful. I’m standing here cheering you on, whispering “yes” in your ear, and choosing that vulnerability leaders to freedom right with ya.
    Also? We’re neighbours on the link-up page and I couldn’t be happier. Your graphic is fantastic.

    1. Nadine, thanks SO much for the encouragement! It means a lot. Can’t take credit for my graphic! My friend made it – she’s @jensane on Insta!

  2. So brave of you to go first, but if you look behind, I’m sure there will be plenty of others following you, inspired by your stories. Looking forward to reading this series and chiming in!

  3. i am so looking forward to reading your thoughts. i have to say, the idea of “i’ll go first” is so hard for me to swallow. i aspire to be open with people, but it is so hard to share things i’ve gone through and things i am still going through, but i want to let my guard down with people. i could ramble on, because i really do think about this all.the.time, but i’ll stop here and just thank you for your openness and honesty. it’s refreshing!

    1. it’s so hard!! I didn’t get this post up until the evening because I kept wondering if I should write about something…easier. Thanks for being here, and letting me know I’m not alone!

  4. Looking forward to this one, Jacey! It feels similar to what I’ve been mulling over for my own 31 days–acting in hope despite the presence of fear. You’re a wise woman, friend, and I know I’ll learn from you this month! :)

  5. I’m looking forward to following behind you. I struggle with people pleasing which gets me in trouble in relationships a lot. Thanks for your vulnerability.

  6. Pingback: Weekend links
  7. Pingback: Love over fear

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