5 roles my husband shouldn’t play


We celebrated five years of marriage last month, and since I was in the middle of my 31 days series, I didn’t get to share the series I wanted to: five year lists. I’ll be sharing some over the next few weeks!

First up: five roles my husband shouldn’t play (that I’ve expected him to at times):

1. Fashion Consultant: I think the question, “Do these shoes go with this outfit?” stresses Mike out more than if I told him I’d spent $1,000 on a pair of shoes. But there’s no one else to ask. In these moments I miss college roommates and access to their advice and closets.

2. Therapist: Mike and I talk constantly, about the daily details and how we’re thinking and feeling. We make a point to let each other in, and I’m grateful. I talk more than Mike, which is fine. It’s one of the best ways for me to process feelings and decisions. He is very patient and willing to listen, but there comes a point when I’m wearing him out. He doesn’t need to know every thought I have on a topic, and he’s not equipped to help me solve everything that comes up.

3. Constant Companion: I love spending time with Mike. After a long distance relationship and engagement, it took me awhile to realize that I needed alone time, too. It took even longer for me to really pour energy into new friendships.

Investing in new friendships means less one on one time together, but close friends enhance and support our marriage. It’s valuable to have other people living life alongside us, praying for us and speaking truth and wisdom to us.

4. Yes Man: Early in our marriage, we’d rarely disagree. Or I should say, whatever the other person wanted to do would trump any feelings of reluctance or disagreement. We helped each other justify purchases instead of being honest with ourselves and admitting we didn’t have the money.

I used to get my feelings hurt if Mike expressed anything other than unequivocal enthusiasm about a new idea. I thought supporting me meant getting behind me 100%, no matter what, but I’ve learned to value the perspective he brings to the table. He thinks of important things I might be blind to, and helps set me up for success better than if he’d just agreed with me.

5. God: I trust Mike and rely on him, but I have to remember that he’s a person who makes mistakes. When I notice myself turning to him first when I’m stressed or need help, I try to redirect and pray first. I’m missing out and putting way too much pressure on Mike when I expect him to play a role that only God can.

What would you add?

5 thoughts on “5 roles my husband shouldn’t play

  1. A great list! I’ve been married now for 18 years and I still hadn’t figured most of this out by the five year mark!
    Number 3 is the one I need to focus on yet again as we moved to a new city around the same time we had our babies. We’re just now emerging out of the exhaustion babies & toddlers bring and I have to admit that not bothering to invest in new friendships has been in the too hard basket for so long that I’d stopped thinking about it. Fortunately my husband and I enjoy each others company but you are right – ‘close friends do help and support our marriage’.

  2. Great post. Loved all these reminders for my own marriage, but especially loved that “he doesn’t need to know every thought that we have.” Boy do us women love to talk! Love your blog!

  3. I love your list!! I might have to add “Girly TV watcher” I love watching Downton Abbey, the Mindy Project, and Once Upon a Time with people but my man is not the one to watch those with ;) that is why II have weekly tv show catch up dates with my girl friends! haha.

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